


The way of Love

by Yu_Kagami



Series: Haikyuu Angst oneshots/twoshots (Lets torture Hinata) [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Incest, Past Sexual Abuse, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:28:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25256194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yu_Kagami/pseuds/Yu_Kagami
Summary: Shouyou met Sugawara at the rooftop at night, coincidentally both of them has planned to die on the same day, at the exact time.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Sugawara Koushi
Series: Haikyuu Angst oneshots/twoshots (Lets torture Hinata) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859377
Comments: 5
Kudos: 235





	The way of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning
> 
> Suicide  
> Abuse/neglect  
> Sexual abuse

Shouyou sat on the roof of Karasuno High school, the view below him was one that he usually wouldn't see, instead of the energetic blue, bouncy white clouds and the broad daylight that shone brightly, it was millions of stars scattered on a canvas of purple and oceanic blue. Instead of hearing the endless chattering of students, he heard silence and peace. Tonight it was him against the world, nobody else can get in their way.

Shouyou climbed up the staircase block and sat there at the highest point of the school, allowing himself to endudlge in hollowness.

The short boy has been waiting for death's arrival for as long as he could remember, he had always been so fond of ending his life and today is finally the day that he could put a full stop to his suffering. Shouyou even picked out the perfect place, timing and ensured that nobody will interrupt his grand ceremony, it will be just him, himself and he.

Shouyou planned to die when 3 AM hits, his favourite hour, he had told his very caring parents that he would not be home tonight since he will be sleeping over at Kageyama's in which they responded with the usual mindless shrug, then went on with their day. It wasn't like they would have looked for him if he was to actually disappear, Shouyou honestly didn't know why he even bothered telling them in the first place.

He observed the world around him, it was dyed in an usual monochrome, even before dying, he couldn't get that one glimpse of nostalgia of when the world was bright and delightful, just a single drop of happiness will be nice to have before his disappearance, yet it was too much to ask for, it was fine though, he understood, after he was Hinata Shouyou, a pathetic liar.

The clanking of the door didn't startle him for some reasons, he would flinch to every noise usually, yet he just felt empty at this moment. If it was this late at night, perhaps there was another person seeking for death tonight?

A gradient of sliver appeared before Shouyou, it was Sugawara Koushi, his senior in volleyball, maybe he should have been upset seeing the team's beloved vice captain being pushed to the point of suicide, but he just sat there in amusement, watching as the older boy took of his shoes with hesitation and an unreadable expression of sadness.

The other male seems to be having trouble deciding to live or not, he was staring at the railing of the roof but making no attempts to step further, he looked scared yet miserable, Shouyou has never seen the team mum in such a vulnerable state before, it was as if a tiny push could break him apart.

The breeze of summer night blew past them, strands of silver hair were blown into the sky, Shouyou watched the stray hairs as they flown away, he observed the gentle landing of the hair when the wind had finally calmed, then he found himself trailing back to the suicidal teen before him.

Sugawara looked extremely troubled, Shouyou could feel his tension from behind. He just coldly stared at his senior, and watched the older boy break down into tears in front of him, for some reason that scene pissed Shouyou off and he found himself asking in a distant tone.  
"Are you going to jump?"

Sugawara's eyes went wide and he thrashed around, hoping to find the source of the voice.

"You don't have to find me, Sugawara-senpai."

Shouyou stated icily and jumped down from above, he saw the shock in Sugawara, but he couldn't care less, he just wanted to die today and right now, he was looking forward to it the entire time, he couldn't let someone get in his way now.

"H-hinata?"

Sugawara stumbled out between broken misery, tears still lining out around his eyes.

Shouyou looked once more at the view below him then he stared right back at the sobbing senior in front of him, he didn't know why he was being so heartless at this point, but he just spoke before he could rationalize the situation.

"So are you going to jump?"

Sugawara didn't muster out a response, he crouched down and held his shirt tightly, tears uncontrollably dashed out like an unfixed water dam, hiccups interrupted the dreadful silence of the roof and covered up the slight blow of the winds. Shouyou watched as the silver haired boy clunched his shirt tighter, he watched as Sugawara's breathing got more shallow, he watched as Sugawara was curled up into a ball, he watched as Sugawara scratched himself until blood was pooling around him.

He watched the entire scene or his senpai being in the worst state anyone have seen him, yet he couldn't feel a thing, couldn't find the motivation to help, he really wanted to laugh actually, at how he was crying before a death, how pathetic, or he was just envious that Sugawara can feel something, while he couldn't just be human and have emotions.  
Shouyou took light steps around the crying senior and looked down for the third time, the view was mocking him, telling him to jump, the happiness of the families below him was laughing at him, telling him he will never be able to smile.

Everything of this world just irritated Shouyou even more, he so desperately wanted to scream and shout, he wanted to rip everyone into pieces, in blinded rage, he turned back to the curled up disaster behind him.

"Why do you want to jump."

Shouyou asked, ignoring the senior's increasing panic, he couldn't care less at this moment. Sugawara slight unfold himself, a depressed gaze met a soulless stare, Sugawara was barely able to hold himself up with how much he is crying, slowly, he made courage to answer Shouyou's question.

"I-i I- can ne-never be as good as Kageyama! It i-is u-"

Sugawara was cut off by wet hiccups as he tried his best to hold himself together in front of his junior, who was also apparently suicidal.

"I-it is j-just unfair, I can never be enough then is there really a reason for me to be here at all?!"

Sugawara got up and ranted the last part in the mixture of rage and hopelessness, to his surprise, the middle blocker who was always caring and smiling happily didn't show a hint of sympathy, the younger male just looked at him with absolute dread, there were not even a single tip of emotion shown in him. Shakily, Sugawara returned the question to Shouyou.

"Why do you want to jump, Hinata?"

Shouyou wanted to laugh at that question, he has been wanting to die ever since he was born probably, his life never went well like fairy tales, the best to describe it will probably be a horror fucking movie.  
"Let me tell you a story, Sugawara-senpai."

Sugawara who was still trembling from his panic attack nodded hesitantly as Shouyou proceed to tell his so called story.

"Once upon a time, Shouyou was born, his mother didn't love him, his father was nowhere to be found, but it is okay, Shouyou had his brother, it was weird that his brother would hurt him occasionally but it was okay, Shouyou was sure that his brother loved him, then Shouyou grew up in a toxic family, his brother started verbally abusing him along with sexually, it was getting worse and their mother would come home drunk everyday, Shouyou overheard school friends gossiping about him, no one ever loved Shouyou, no one cared about Shouyou."

Sugawara was crying even worse than before at the end of the story, but Shouyou didn't shed a single tear, he blankly glanced at Sugawara before stating monotonously.

"Don't you have somebody waiting for you at home?"

Sugawara broke down further at the thought of his family, he couldn't make out words but after hearing Shouyou's story he felt like he had nothing to be sad for, between pathetic cries, he managed to muffled out faintly.

"Y-yes.. I-i, i! I do."

Shouyou looked directly at Sugawara, he stated the next sentence as if it was an obvious matter.

"Then why are you still here, senpai?"

Sugawara cried hardly, emotions flooded his system and he could only feel regret after regret, Shouyou once again just watched Sugawara in his own sobbing messiness. He didn't make attempts to cheer him up, nor did he tried to comfort him.  
"I can't just leave you here though, Shouyou."

Shouyou flinched at the unusual usage of his first name he gazed upon the sky then back to Sugawara. Moonlight shone on both of them as they clang at the edge of life together.

"Unlike you, there is nobody waiting for me."

The silver haired male smiled for the first time upon their scenic encounter he pulled Shouyou in for a hug and gently held him as if he was his own child, Sugawara softly caressed his fingers in Shouyou's soft orange hair, he held his waist carefully and he whispered in a motherly tone directly at Shouyou's ears.

"Shouyou, the whole Karasuno is waiting for you to return tommorow at morning practice."

Shouyou felt a small tug at his heart strings, but he pushed upon it.

"I have never been selfish for my entire life, they will allow me to be selfish just this once."

But the older male was not holding back, he didn't let the warmth go.

"That one time will be too much selfishness, your life is worth a lot and deciding to throw away something that other people adore is an unforgivable sin to them."

Shouyou felt a tiny warm light flickering in him, but he blew it down with air of misery.  
"Nobody adores me, they will look for replacement."

Sugawara hugged Shouyou tighter than before, his voice was filled with so much love and care this time that Shouyou wondered if it could have reached him.

"Nothing can replaced Hinata Shouyou, even if there is someone better, you are you with your unique abilities as well as flaws, and all of us are willing to accept that."

Shouyou feels his throat clogging up for the first time.

"T-there is not point if I can't accept myself for being me."

Sugawara smiled and reached for Shouyou's head with his other hand, ruffling up the fluffy hair of his.

"It is okay if you can't accept yourself, I can't do that too, but it will be fine, we can work this out together."

Shouyou wanted to protest so badly but a tear slipped out subconsciously, an entirely new feeling for him.

"B-but!"

Sugawara hushed him, Shouyou collapse but Sugawara never let go, for the first time in years Shouyou cried, he cried his anger out, he yelled his misfortune out, he chased his loneliness away. The second dam has been broken apart today and tears dripped down like no end, both of the broken teenagers held each other tight in midnight, saving the opposing other from the brink of death.  
Shouyou had taught Sugawara that he is loved.

Sugawara had taught Shouyou how to love.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a vent, I feel like shit.


End file.
